09 March 2010

I want Swine-flu (Genius. Funny. Great website.)

From here. Genius. 

I just deleted my mom's number from my cell phone. That's because she called me in a panic after seeing a special on CNN about swine flu asking me what she should do. How about getting a clue, mom? Idiot.

You're all idiots. If you've spent more than a few minutes worrying about swine flu, you are an idiot. That's because it only takes a few minutes to look up the symptoms, mortality rate, and treatment to realize that it's no different from the common flu (which kills way more people and by extension is way more awesome), and going back to whatever it is you were doing, which was probably turning off CNN and canceling your cable subscription. In fact, worrying at all makes you an idiot. Why worry? Cowards worry and there is a 100% overlap between people who worry and people who regularly make cowardly decisions. That's why natural disasters kick so much ass. You never really know when they're going to hit, so you might as well let go and stop being such a scared pussy all the time. You'll cross the bridge of death when you get to it. Time to start taking risks, asshole! Quit your job. Quit answering your boss' calls during your time off. Go do something with your life. Jesus!
Which leads me to why swine flu is stupid. If I were to worry about anything—and I don't—swine flu would be pretty near the bottom of the list. Here's a list of things that are a higher priority of things to worry about: 

See no difference? That's because there is no difference. Quit closing schools down every time someone gets swine flu, morons!
The problem isn't swine flu, but people talking about it (this article withstanding, because I'm the exception to every rule, that rule withstanding). Remember SARS? More bullshit. Fewer than 800 people died from it world wide. Yet the news networks prattled on about it for months. 

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