Freeze to Death - With the Express

The Express again prints one price in huge letters, and hides the real cost. How to spin perception Desmond-style.

The real story is the energy shortage, or gas shortage to be more specific. Let us start with a new phrase, "THE BIG FREEZE", we now have a trend and a panic to cling onto. But the only way to stay safe and not be attacked by this evil snow is with heating. So imagine the scene, how can we scare them? Multi-coloured snow flakes? Emotionless cold snow claiming all our public space? No, got it, lets go for the heating. The buggers. Your heating is going to run out, you are going to freeze to death, good morning.

The punchline, to cheer you up, comes when they quote the Shadow Home Secretary, Greg Clark, who claims, without any sense of irony, "that the government has had its head in the SAND for 12 years about Britain's precarious energy security". That is a long time to have your head in the sand. 12 years, to me anyway, seems a fair distance past the threshold for the successful use of the word precarious?

Don't let facts get in the way though, look at the government bastards, with their head in the warm sand, on a warm beach, in a warm country, while you all freeze to death.

We can make you thin though, during this diet week, and we have asked the scientists (the same ones that say breakfast is good for you, and mushrooms will cure cancer) to confirm the Express has this ability, and yes, we do. So get scientifically thin with us.